Ok. there was a large building and i was exploring. In the middle of one of the rooms was a big wooden staircase with no banisters and i started going up it but a man came and said 'what are you doing? that's my staircase; you're not allowed to use it'. so i went exploring some more and found a soundbooth. I came across the sonnen-burgers rehearsing and went to sit down where i thought i ought to

(i saw suza and teddy, only it turns out it was suza and beth and ted was sat half a row away) someone shouts 'east' and i watch as we go on stage. sit talking to beth and ask 'why are we all in black? we look like we're going to a wedding' then i go back and try to climb the staircase again but get stopped again

i'm sat in a room which the sonnen-burgers are using and theres several (jan, vedran,alex) drawing on the table. i'm sat under the table trying to fit inbetween the legs. i get stuck and ask alex to help me out but get free just as he's about to. Vedran has a sleeping bag around him to the waist and i go to him but he pushes me away seeing he has a cold. i give him my coat and go.

then in a very movie-like way i see anke running all over a town.

she ends up knocking on a door and i open it for her (though i'm not actually there) and she knocks on the church door. the priest however is talking to her ex-boyfriend who is now going with a very butch woman and anke goes over and they all go into the church

i hide behind a curtain as they do and other people come and hide with me.

we then follow but the room before anke is a nursery and we stop and play with the kids but the teacher doesn't like it. she looks at me skeptically but i just act as i usually do around childern. everyone paints the walls. some men in the garden are carrying a giant sarcophagus that looks lik it's made of lego and the skeleton head falls off and inside is brown something that looks like acrylic paint when there's too much water in the tube. then a man comes at me with a camera and we get escorted to the room anke is in - turns out the priest is on the boyfriend's side. they'd told the kids that we were cannibals and that the feet on the wall they were painting were uncle larry's. i get crazed and start shouting at them telling them how unethical it is and why and that they need to debrief the kids, kids parents, all participants retc.. and how it is unwise to conduct anything lik this and i was going to report them to the board.

  paint represents 'expressing your inner emotions', stairs – someone’s stopping me from understanding, kids – personal growth ( is being corrupted), cannibalism – forbidden desire, marriage – transition, maybe sorrow

 CSS

  Ever since the postal service went private I’ve had a calling. I was prematurely fresh from university life and the privatised system meant there were jobs going spare.

  I’ve never felt as at home as I do working for the CSS. You see, since the privatisation, many opposing courier companies have spawned, all of which show the utmost respect for the other companies, understanding that the public’s mail is a sacred vessel of pulp and ink. However, the human mind is a curious thing and if there is a sacred vessel we must wonder why it is so sacred. That’s where I come in.   No, I’m not one of these spies you hear about, nor a government official; I am a member of the Courier Sabotage Service.

  Like I say, it’s not heavy stuff, a smudge here, a line there, if the posties really did care about their job they would ensure a way for envelopes to be free from tampering. Laminate them, or something.

  It’s my job to make sure that the couriers are at their best, not growing sloppy. If they advertise how they will ‘go to the ends of the earth’ to deliver your package then a little misdirection shouldn’t be a problem. We keep them on the game.  You should be thanking me for keeping the cost of a postage stamp low and courier standards high.

 It’s not all that easy to get into this business either. Some people think all you have to do is start tampering at home and we’ll come find you. Boy, are they wrong.

 It takes skill. This is guerrilla posting at its best. I’ve hitched on FedEx planes; I’ve blown up a paper mill, mailed myself to a sorting plant. It takes guts. It takes skill. Practically every month you are hearing of another CSO found and ‘questioned’. They think one must have a mental incapacity to sabotage the majestic system that underpins the whole British way of life.

 As for you: I don’t think you’re capable.

 I first made my way into the service by painting a post box green. It sounds impressive on it’s own but when you realise I did it in central London, where even at night there are CCTV and passer-by’s it has so much more impact. Yeah, that was me.   Of course, Imperial College couldn’t have a student as susceptible to environmentalist impulses as to risk his place on the course and quite promptly curbed me.

  Yet the saboteurs didn’t come to me for another seven months. I was turned away from each job I applied to; it was bad enough that I didn’t have a university degree but a petty record too kind of sealed the deal. I began posting water bombs. A genius idea of mine if I do say so, which inspired imitation by the big boys themselves. After receiving a letter from my girlfriend over in Taiwan saying she had fallen for one of the people she had volunteered to help it went global. There’s a way of opening the bottom corner of an envelope just enough to push a small ink pellet in, which then explodes under the high pressure of cargo planes. I was in the airmail hangar anyway and my rage hadn’t subsided simply by destroying her mail (to be sent to her family, her friends, her bank) and so I crept into the outgoing mail and planted as many as I could. In some, I would put two pellets for a tie dye effect.

 So you see, it’s nothing personal, you’re just not good enough. There’s no innovation, no necessitation, no anarchic order to you. If it was as simple as destroying mail you might be in for a chance, but sabotage is an artform. Tough break, kid.

 So for the last 3 days I've been in Oxford, staying at Trinity College.

 What a beautiful city!!
 
 And so practical, it's got the perfect mix of shops and beautiful buildings - and they were all on my doorstep!

Trinity had good grounds, good buildings and I loved the staircases but for me I think it lacked a bit of personality. It will no doubt be different when there are more students about but it did seem quite stifled. 

 Hertford is where the heart is though... It is such a gorgeous college, it had me reeling.

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 The professors seem nice too. I've talked to The Professor of Latin American Studies and the course sounds very interesting - The spanish course is based heavily on literature and the academic appliaction of spanish, which simply sounded a delight.

 The english professor I spoke to clearly loved her subject and we had a nice little discussion, course seems interesting but there's no personal prose in the assessment - something that I think I'd kind of want.

There was no psychology tutor but I attended a Criminology seminar by one Jay Phoenix Singh ... who is amazing and totally rocked that sweater. Hands down. It was about Psychopathy and I did know a lot of the content discussed but the case studies were really intereresting. And that guy had charisma.
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 I was expecting more stuffy people too, hard not to I suppose.
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 I've stumbled into an indecision concerning my course subjects though. I was dead set on Psychology and Spanish and have been for some time but I kind of don't want to drop English.

The course sounded wonderful and has made me think that it's a part of my life I don't want to isolate to social time alone but I don't want to give up the chance of Psychology. I know I'll regret it if I do.
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 I'm actually considering Oxford aswell now. It's highly unlikely I'll get the grades required (AAA) but I've fallen in love with the city and the intimacy of the learning.
 And Jesus Christ they've got some nice libraries.
 But it is an intensive course, no joke. For English you're expected to read about four books a week and write two essays. For Spanish you're likely to attend 6 lectures... on top of study and essays and tutorials..
 
 The social scene is much better than I thought aswell. :)
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 I'd be tempted to apply in all honesty but the fact that it must be your confirmed choice if they accept you is daunting. I would happily go for interview if I knew I could turn down the university if I got the illustrious AAA but knowing that you must go if they accept you isn't something I'd be happy to do.
 I'm gonna get my head in order this week. Promise.

____________________

Holly and I were talking today.
 Humans ARE strange. 
  

 We were talking about how we are weakened by our need to please others and how those we dub insane or psychotic are actually showing higher thought processes than the masses.
 We lock up the smartest survivalistic of us because they commit murder or have a hazardous way of thinking. Which I suppose is just us realising how threatening these high thinking people are to us with less developed thought processes. 
  But you can get programs now that try and train you to use more of your brain. Do you think games such as 'Brain Training' and 'Big Brain Academy' could create more ''mentally unstable'' individuals? 
                    Or perhaps ''mentally unstable'' masses.
 
 So I put a question to you:
                    Why do we call our weakness 'being human'?

                                 
    RJ